On this path of living my purpose, I feel confronted with multiple challenges. When I have to make a decision I try to ask myself if I do it out of fear or because it is my purpose and I do it with love. This last time and especially these last weeks reality continues confronting us.
When we want something it means that we have to choose. And when you choose, you step out of your comfort zone to create a series of new possibilities that also means leaving many things behind. This part is the one that scares us the most. This is where fear and guilt comes together.
Imagine that you want to switch from job, but you don’t dare, especially in the current situation. Your passion is elsewhere, but your security is in the current job that bores you enormously. What do you do? What if it doesn’t work out for you?
It’s like being married and having a lover! Surely, internally you want to go with your lover, but you don’t want to break your marriage and what it all means. But deep down you also know that you don’t want to stay there. For a while you can play both cards and go from one to the other, but what happens when the lover asks for more or when the husband / wife finds it out?
There are times when one would wish the decision is made for you: I hope my husband / wife leaves me so the issue is resolved. This way we do not make the decision to not feel guilty. We do not want to bear the consequences of our choice. Furthermore, we want to keep in the victim role and not in the guilty role.
Transferred to the labor issue, if the company kicks me out, then issue resolved. So we don’t have to choose and we fall into the role of the victim again… ..see what happened to me.
Fear and guilt make us stay in a situation dreaming to live our dreams, until live decides for you! Life can kick you out of your life’s work, your husband can leaves you and your lover too! So if you don’t choose, life chooses for you! And then you regret not having made YOUR decision.
Okay, message understood, and then ?????
- When you want to make a decision, ask yourself if you choose out with love or with fear? Ask your heart what you feel and be honest with yourself. Remember: Fear contracts you and love expands you. When you make decisions out of love, they will be more sustainable for you and life will support you. Decisions made with love are those that make you live your purpose day by day and therefore, you will feel alive and fulfilled.
- When it is difficult for you to let go of fear, I advise you to investigate the root of that fear and work on it. When you know the roots of fear, there are techniques available to deal with it.
- Be aware of decisions made out of spite. If you want to leave a job or your partner, or whatever … be careful of spite, revenge, hatred, etc. because that energy turns against you. Your decision has to be that one you choose for yourself, because you want to choose and not to prove something to someone.
- Life is made up of cycles. Think that we live certain situations to learn something, and that when we have already learned it, that cycle can be closed. When you get bored in a job because you are very comfortable and it is no longer a challenge, it is because you have already learned what you had to learn and can move on to the next phase. The same is true in relationships, you are with someone to learn something. Changing the cycle does not mean leaving your job or partner, it means going to another level to achieve another learning. That is, whether your decision is to stay or leave, let it be consciously to open another cycle of learning and continue growing.
- What do we do with guilt? Guilt is a concept that we have acquired from religion and that has a moral connotation of what is right or wrong. But this concept does not help us. When we really choose out of love and feel guilty, it means that we are living our life. On a systemic level, feeling guilty means breaking with your clan, breaking the rules in order to live your life. Taking the blame is taking responsibility for your decision. That means being an adult and not falling into victimhood.
- Many times we do not want to choose because we know that the period after the decision will be hard. Here you can think that transition times can be turbulent, but that calm comes after the storm. Think like when you go on vacation to a distant destination. Usually it is tiring, heavy, sometimes it gets complicated because you lose the connection between two flights, it is uncomfortable to fly so many hours, sometimes there is turbulence. You have to take the plane, the train, the boat… ..but after all, you arrive at your destination, and that destination is beautiful !!!! In addition, that journey will also depend on you, on how you decide to experience it. Even if it is tough and tiring, you can also enjoy turbulence! When you step out of the comfort zone, you have to go through the fear zone and the learning zone to get to the purpose and growth zone.
- When you decide to change, do it clearly and give the appropriate signals. You don’t have to be radical, but be clear and honest. I mean, don’t go with the lover and keep maintaining your marriage, just in case! If you decide to change jobs, look for the best way to do it, and for example, don’t force them to kick you out to get money, just in case!
- Prepare yourself to face the fear zone: all the comments, criticisms, opinions, your excuses, etc. Your environment will always want you to stay where you are and many times you will boycott yourself, because it is comfortable, practical and you are used to it. Any change of yours means a change for those around you and for yourself. Remember here that it is your life and that you decide what is right for you. You can also ask for support from your environment, explain to them that it is also difficult for you to make a certain decision and that what you need is their trust and support.
- When you make the change, be grateful for everything you have learned in your current situation and try to say goodbye in the best way. We must close well and thank the previous stages to create space for the new period.
All these points are summarized in the choice based on fear or based on love, I hope this reflection will help you to decide!